“My journey into Midlife, by Midlife Mastery Life Coach Natalie Castel”
Hi. Let me introduce myself. I’m Natalie, a 48-year-old woman who has spent the last 4 years on a journey of ‘meeting my self’.
Notice how my introduction was quite clipped? Void of the usual adjectives like mom, wife, retailer, entrepreneur, life coach, blah blah blah blah. Believe me when I say that it took months to get to the blah blah status and shed the labels. Or more to the point, the need to have them. So, in my truest state, my introduction would be, “Hi, I am.”
But for the purpose of this blog, I am Nats, a 48-year-old woman. My journey to self was prompted by what I can only describe as being completely and utterly stuck. After 18 years of building my career and achieving success, where my superpower was working with people and using my strong intuition to form authentic connections and identify creative solutions and opportunities, I suddenly started experiencing anxiety. Not the all-fall-down-unable-to-breath type. Mine was the type that slowly and steadily broke down my confidence; made me doubt myself and had me questioning daily, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do x, y, z anymore?”
I lost the passion to seek new ways of achieving results, my curiosity and creativity were side swiped and replaced with cynicism and resignation. I questioned everything and everyone, including myself.
This was the kind of stuck that is akin to sinking sand. The more I tried to remedy it, the more stuck I got. Not even a Transcendental Meditation (TM) course could pull me out. Whilst the breathing alleviated some anxiety, at my core I knew something bigger was at play. And something bigger had to give.
And so, the journey of peeling myself away from all the false truths began. Starting with my identity attachment. It took me eventually leaving my 20-year career to realize that I had no idea who I was. I had defined myself as Natalie, the Head of X, or Leader of Y – my personality was knitted into the various roles I had fulfilled and competencies I had developed. My mood was dependent on my results, which in the South African retail landscape, is unstable. My worth was placed in the hands of everyone around me. I realized how much of a shapeshifter I had become.
Ultimately, I had reached a point in my life, at 45, where my questions were aplenty and the answers a mystery. I felt lost! Isn’t this the best place to start the process of being found? Yes. But it’s flipping scary.
I chose to take a sabbatical and study to be an Integral Life Coach. This was less about the title and all about who I wanted to be as well as do? The course was the best investment I’ve made to date. And for someone who appreciates the finer things, fashion, décor and all things pretty (I have justified many purchases that could equally have me owning property folks!), that’s saying a lot.
Fast forward to today, and I can say with absolute conviction that I would spend more than triple in a heartbeat on my development. Gosh, I’m already well on my way there, and so much happier for it. The lasting kind of happiness that comes from within.
My ‘property portfolio’ is now my SELF; wholly. Body, mind and soul.
I’ve learned that the 3 are intertwined and mutually beneficial. My spiritual health is supported and enhanced by my physical health. The phrase ‘your body is your temple’ has taken on a new meaning as I experience how good nutrition enhances my gut health, how my gut health enhances my mental health and when all 3 are aligned, the clarity and joy are nothing like I have ever experienced.
My temple has unfortunately gone on its own tangent though. The methods I used to use to detox, drop a couple of kilos or increase my energu levels are no longer effective. My moods have become more extreme. My sleep has been very light at best, with phases of restlessness leaving me unhinged and moodier. It was a podcast that I came across with Dr Mindy Pelz that stopped me in my tracks. The penny dropped a few times as I discovered the world of HORMONES! The role they play in the female body, especially in the buildup to menopause. Wow! The web of awareness that emerged as I connected one dot after the next opened a whole new world. Especially in the context of perimenopause – the phase where your hormones start their decline to finally end at menopause. The rollercoaster ups and downs that our estrogen, progesterone and testosterone go through have such a huge impact on how we show up in the world. For example, when progesterone dips our anxiety goes up. Progesterone and cortisol (stress hormone) have a see-saw type of relationship…when one is up the other is down and vice versa. Progesterone keeps us calm and composed. She helps us sleep. She nurtures us. Estrogen is the upbeat, energetic, look good/feel good hormone. When she’s around it’s all systems go, confidence, energy and fun. In perimenopause these two hormones act like a yoyo, causing women to question every aspect of their lives – career, relationships, self-worth, purpose, source of happiness. It has accurately been described as the midlife unraveling or crisis because of the extreme ups and downs. Or let me clarify…because we don’t know why the extreme ups and downs are happening, and therefore can’t effectively help ourselves.
Bringing in my own experience, I realized my sudden anxiety and inability to perform at the level I always had in my job was very influenced by my glitching hormones. I just had no idea at the time. So, ladies, if you find yourself questioning, “What’s wrong with you?”, please consider that it’s your hormones, hormoning all over the place. You’re not suddenly a poor performer and incompetent. You don’t have the support that your hormones once gave you.
On further investigation, I discovered that Menopause-related productivity losses top $150 billion a year and 25% of women are likely to retire early because of menopause.
This is such a travesty when you consider how hard women have had to work to get their ‘seat at the table’. Typically, this level of achievement is in the mid 30’s. Perimenopause starts as early as 35, so it’s critical for women to understand their bodies and how to counter the effect of their erratic hormones so that their hard work pays off. The workplace needs the wise woman more than ever, so she can’t be losing confidence and productivity because of hormonal changes.
Statistics also show that the suicide rate in women is the highest from age 45 – 54, which is the typical perimenopause/menopause phase. In addition, the rate of divorce is also the highest in women who are in their 40’s & 50’s.
The web becomes more and more visible.
As a Midlife Mastery Life Coach, I’d like to offer some of the wisdom I have tapped into by becoming more self-aware and self-accepting.
- The more I seek from within, the more truth I uncover. The answers are now aplenty, especially when I am in my healthiest state – mind, body and soul.
- This midlife unraveling is a gift. It’s an invitation to let go. Of attachment, self-judgement, self-doubt, society’s expectations. Let go of everything that has not served you. So that you can ‘let come’. Joe Dispenza describes the awakening process as overcoming. You overcome and overcome and overcome some more, until you become. Profoundly simple.
- Your body is your truth-teller. It’s your responsibility to learn it’s language.
- Finally, and most rewarding – I am, because we are. We are not alone, nor are we meant to be. When women come together – become together – nothing can hold us back. Not even the death of our ovaries.
